Exclusive: Sean Ramey talks about his 'The Bachelorette' experience
By Christopher Rocchio, 06/20/2008
Sean Ramey eventually opened up to DeAnna Pappas, but when he did, it was too little too late.
The 33-year-old martial arts master from Crestwood, KY was cut by Pappas on the cusp of her hometown visits during Monday night's The Bachelorette fourth-season episode on ABC.
On Thursday, Sean talked to Reality TV World about how he regrets not putting himself out there sooner; why he doesn't fault DeAnna for not making more of an effort to get to know him; what prompted his brief martial arts demonstration during the competition's first cocktail party; and how he was almost The Bachelor's twelfth-season star instead of a fourth-season The Bachelorette suitor.
Reality TV World: What was your mind set like heading into the Rose Ceremony that proceeded your one-on-one date. Were you confident that you'd be one of the Final 4?
Sean: I was. I thought that me and DeAnna had connected pretty well.
I guess my only downfall was I kind of waited in the background a little too long. It's a different process. It's something I really wasn't... It's not usually my style to be constantly in someone's face. But I think in that type of situation, the more that you open with that person the better off you are. I think that really did kind of hurt me because I like to kind of hang back in the shadows a little bit. Just like I said on the show, I think I just got things in gear a little too late.,
Reality TV World: Did DeAnna ever give you any reasons as to why she decided not to give you a rose? Did you talk with her at all afterwards?
Sean: No, I didn't. I didn't get a chance. I just basically told her she deserves every good thing that happens to her. She's an amazing individual. She's beautiful inside and out.
I didn't get a chance for an explanation, but I can almost guarantee the whole mold there of the whole show is the fact that if you're there you've got to open up and show your feelings. I really didn't start to do that until the end. If I had to go back and change anything, it would be that maybe I'd be a little more open with my feelings a little sooner.
Reality TV World: How difficult was it to watch Monday night's episode and hear DeAnna say, "If I were handing out roses on dates this week, Sean would definitely have a rose at the end of tonight's date."
Sean: I was very flattered. I just figured having the date that we had and going into the Rose Ceremony and not getting a rose, I just maybe thought she thought there wasn't any chemistry or a connection. But obviously be her saying that, she thought there was a little bit of chemistry, a connection. I just think she was closer or maybe had more of a connection with the other guys. Basically, she had to make a choice.
Reality TV World: You've already talked about how you wish you would have opened up sooner to DeAnna. Going into the competition, was that something you were thinking about -- that you're usually not very quick to open up?
Sean: I said in the very beginning that if I were to leave the show that at least I left knowing that I left everything out there. I still feel as if I did. I just think I probably should have left everything out there a little sooner. That was basically the whole thing there.
It's very tough to prepare yourself for that situation, since it's something you can't really practice or train for. (laughing) It's like speed-dating, and you've really got to get that connection early and open up early. If you don't, I mean gosh, other guys will is basically what happens.
Reality TV World: You made a few comments that DeAnna was "marriage material" and how you'd be willing to propose to her at the end of the season if given the opportunity. Seeing as how you said you don't normally take risks in a relationship, do you really think you and DeAnna would have been prepared for marriage?
Sean: Yeah. I think in the very beginning she had said she didn't think we were anything alike. I said all along that I thought we were a lot alike in a lot of ways -- we do have a lot of the same values, we do have a lot of the same characteristics as far as being close to our families and how we treat our friends. I felt a lot of similarities.
Reality TV World: Once you two spent alone time at the racetrack, DeAnna seemed surprised to learn you two had a lot in common. Do you fault her at all for not making more of a concerted effort to get to know you more?
Sean: No. Absolutely not. I don't hold DeAnna responsible for any of that. Everyone talks about how tough it is for the guys to be put in this situation, it's 10-times tougher for DeAnna to be put in that situation. I don't blame her or fault her in any way just because she's put in a very difficult situation. So no, absolutely not.
Reality TV World: What was your reaction when you learned you'd be going on the one-on-one date? Was it something you were expecting?
Sean: I was very excited to know that it was my name on the date card. I finally got that one-on-one date with her -- it was something I had wanted to do much earlier. I think it would have probably been to my advantage to get that a lot sooner. If I would have had a one-on-one date with her sooner, I think that she would have seen that connection sooner. By that time, she already had stronger connections with some of the other guys, by the time I got there. Things went great, but I think I had to make up too much lost time.
Reality TV World: Along that same line of thinking, you got the rose on that racetrack date but didn't really get to reap the reward of staying in the mansion since you guys all went to Palm Springs. Were you bummed that you wouldn't be able to spend alone time with her in the mansion?
Sean: Actually I was. I was very disheartened about that. When they said, "There will be no other guys staying in the mansion," I was like, "Oh my gosh! I get the rose finally -- an opportunity to be there when she gets home, to wake-up with her."
Every one of the guys that got a rose and stayed up there said, "You know what? That is crucial. It's No. 1. You have to get that rose and stay up in that mansion because you wake-up with her and you can see her when she comes home, even if it's just for a few minutes, you get that extra time with her." I think that again, that was a disadvantage. I got a rose, and I got it too late.
But by no means am I blaming her. Maybe if I would have opened up like I did on the racetrack, I maybe I would have gotten a rose sooner. But I also -- in my defense -- that racetrack was kind of my element. That was one of the few times I actually felt comfortable. It's just a different process. Like I said, that process is really something you can't prepare for.
Reality TV World: During the BBQ at the outhouse DeAnna expressed concern that you seemed to be more interested in hanging out with the other guys than with her. Is that something you'd agree with? Why do you think you got along well with the other guys?
Sean: I think what basically happened was, I think there was a little more to that. DeAnna was upset probably about what happened at the racetrack with Graham. I think that she had a lot of things weighing on her mind.
I'm not the type of person -- if it's a BBQ -- I'm definitely not going to smother her. I can't exactly remember how many guys were there, but I'm just not that person that's going to be there and constantly smother her. That's the last thing I want to do. I want to give her her space. I want her to get an opportunity to hang out and have fun and not be always under the gun. I felt like she was constantly like that. During the whole time, there was just so many guys that just smothered her. It was like, "Gosh! It would be nice for her to just have an opportunity just to hang out with us guys."
So it's not that I preferred hanging out with the guys over her, but it was a BBQ and I'm not the type of person that's going to smother somebody.
Sean: Actually I was in Cosmopolitan magazine as the Kentucky 2007 Most Eligible Bachelor. They had contacted me and asked if I was interested in being The Bachelor, which was last season with [The Bachelor: London Calling star Matt Grant]. Of course they end up choosing Matt, so they asked if I wanted to do The Bachelorette.
At first I was like, "Ooh. The shoe's on the other foot." (laughing) I just didn't know if I could be one of 25 guys trying to do that. I told them I just wanted some time to think about it and finally I came around, and I have to tell you, I'm so glad that I did. It was just a wonderful experience.
Reality TV World: Did you know anything about DeAnna before the show? Did you watch her season of The Bachelor?
Sean: The first time that they had asked me to be on The Bachelor I didn't. But then when they called back they said, "DeAnna's going to be on [The Ellen DeGeneres Show]." It was on Ellen the first time I saw DeAnna. When I watched her on Ellen I said, "This is definitely a good opportunity for me to meet a good person."
I had a couple people... I came home to, "Why would you do that? Why would you put yourself in that position?" But the way I look at it is if someone were to come up to you and say, "I have this beautiful girl and you guys seem to have a lot in common. She's a friend of a friend, or someone from church or somebody that I work with." It's the same thing, just in front of national TV. (laughing)
Reality TV World: What were your expectations going into the show? Did you go into it looking for a serious relationship?
Sean: I have to tell you Chris, just here recently I feel like I've gotten the rest of my life under control to where I can concentrate on a serious relationship. I've had a few in the past but I'm just the type of person that if I can't put 100% in it then I can't do it. I feel like now -- within the last year or two -- I feel like I'm finally in that position where I can focus on a relationship 100%.
Definitely if things worked out between me and DeAnna, there'd be no question I would definitely like to pursue things. She's got a lot of the qualities that I look for in a woman. I'm definitely attracted to her -- both internally and externally of course. I went in with an open mind.
I kind of wish I would have watched a couple episodes of either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette first, just to kind of understand it. I think that maybe would have helped. The one's that open up the quickest are the ones that get the closest fastest. I didn't, but I felt I probably could have prepared a little bit better than what I did.
Reality TV World: You made a first impression on DeAnna on the first night when you kicked a lemon off of Jesse's head. Was that something you had always intended on doing or was it more a spur of the moment kind of thing?
Sean: It was spur of the moment. The time was getting down and I really kind of stayed in the shadows a little bit. I said from the beginning that at least if I got sent home, I put everything out there. I felt it was just a way to at least get noticed -- try to draw some attention.
I did have a little bit of regret after that because I didn't want her to think I'm just some meathead and that's how I try to show off to women -- because it's not. I don't know. I just felt like I needed to do something to kind of stand out. But I just didn't want her to think that's all I'm about -- martial arts. There's a lot more to me than that.
Reality TV World: In your opinion, which of the four remaining suitors do you think is the best fit for DeAnna? On the flip of that, which of the remaining suitors do you think wouldn't be a good fit for DeAnna?
Sean: I'll never slam any of the guys. I can tell you that there were of the guys who I got an opportunity to be very close with. Twilley is one that I got to be pretty close with -- I know he's not one of the four guys. There were a few guys that I saw who were pretty genuine. I definitely think Jason is pretty genuine. As far as the other guys, it's not that I'm saying they're not. It's just that I really didn't get an opportunity to talk to them and get to know them much.
A few of the other guys I felt were pretty genuine, they're just not there. Twilley got sent home, I think -- by far -- he was one of the most genuine guys. Brain was too. So I guess as far as predictions, I think the only thing that's going to hurt Jason is the fact that he lives on the other side [of the country]. She wants to be close to her family and he lives in Washington. So I don't know. They'll have to discuss that.
Reality TV World: Are you currently dating? Did participating in The Bachelorette change the way you approach dating?
Sean: (laughing) It hasn't really changed the way. I feel pretty comfortable with who I am. I'm not the type of person that's not that forward, and I would definitely never want to change that.
But I'll tell you, it's pretty amazing. I guess I've gotten over 100 emails since the show. It's crazy. People are emailing the school and they're sending me pictures. I just have to say to everyone that has sent emails, everyone's been so supportive. I think the show was a definite advantage for me.
Reality TV World: ABC calls you tomorrow about being the next The Bachelor star. Would you do it?
Sean: For one, I'd definitely be honored and flattered. That's probably something I'd want to talk over with my family. But I would just say if that was something that they wanted I would be honored and flattered because obviously they'd think that I'm a pretty good catch if they offered me that.
Reality TV World: So what's next for you? Back to teaching martial arts?
Sean: Right now, I'm actually just vacationing with my family down in Florida. I'm just kind of taking it easy and spending some time with them. Then back to business on Tuesday, it's back to teaching. I'm looking forward to it. We have a huge championship Fourth of July week up in Detroit. So it's going back to my students, putting all my energy back into my students.