"Ryan is a guy that I never had any questions about. What I knew of him was sincere, honest and genuine. He was always a guy that I knew I would go on a hometown date with. Sometimes I think maybe it was my fault for not taking him on a date sooner, but in the middle of our date I realized something: my feelings for the other guys had so far surpassed where I was with Ryan that I couldn't possibly keep him around," Hebert wrote on her People blog.
"In a way, I felt like I was being dishonest if I did."
The former fifteenth-season The Bachelor bachelorette expressed how saying goodbye to Ryan, a 31-year-old solar energy executive from Corona Del Mar, CA, during the middle of the couple's first one-on-one was incredibly painful.
"Knowing that he had a successful business back home, and such a desire to find someone, I couldn't possibly keep him away from that. As soon as I realized this, the rest of the date was really hard to get through. My goodbye to Ryan was quite possibly the hardest one all season. Watching Ryan's last few words from his departure was heartbreaking, and I was fighting back the tears just watching," Hebert said.
Monday night's episode of The Bachelorette also showed Hebert claiming she later dismissed Lucas Daniels due to a lack of romantic chemistry -- the same reason she had previously eliminated Park. However, according to Hebert, there was more reasoning behind Daniels' departure than what the show seemed to suggest.
"During my conversation with Lucas on the group date, I realized that we had some very differing ideas about family and relationships. I began to see just how different we were and how there was very little room for change," Hebert said of the 30-year-old oilfield equipment distributor from Odessa, TX.
Although her one-on-one time with Park and Lucas didn't go very well, Hebert reiterated that the moments spent with Ben Flajnik, a 28-year-old winemaker from Sonoma, CA were the exact opposite. The couple's "overnight" date in Taiwan was successful enough to heighten jealousy amongst the remaining bachelors.
"Once I heard that my date with Ben was an 'overnight' date, I knew this would immediately cause drama. I spent part of the date worrying about how this may affect the other guys, but ultimately I was just excited to have Ben all to myself," Hebert said, adding the couple had slept apart that night.
"My dates with Ben are always great. He is an incredibly easy-going person and is very fun to be around. What I really love about him is that he's the kind of boyfriend you could take anywhere -- and he'd be comfortable and engaging."
In addition, Hebert revealed she had begun keeping a journal of her memories and feelings so her selected suitor would have the reassurance and answers he might need in times of doubt.
"This was also a week where I decided to start a journal, a place for me to keep track of my honest feelings and inner thoughts. I knew that after everything that happened, if I were to leave with someone in the end, they would have a lot of questions. This would hopefully provide explanations and consolation if it were to be needed," she added.
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