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'The Bachelorette' star Kaitlyn Bristowe: There was a game-changing moment for me


By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 06/02/2015 

The Bachelorette star Kaitlyn Bristowe admits she's starting to develop some "undeniable" connections with men in the house and letting suitors go is already extremely difficult for her.

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After Kaitlyn eliminated Kupah James, saying he had been the one to ignore her despite his arguments, she skipped the rest of the cocktail party.

"Kupah had ruined not only my mood but also the mood of the entire party. Altogether it was an emotional night, and I just wanted it to be over. The Rose Ceremony was difficult to get through and deciding to send home [Cory Shivar] was not an easy choice," Kaitlyn wrote in her People blog.

"I actually had a really tough time with that decision because I felt all the things I wanted to feel with Cory, but something in my gut was telling me he wasn't my husband, and I didn't want to keep him from his daughter if I had any doubt. He is such a sweetheart, and I really thought in that moment, 'How the hell am I going to do this every week? It's only the second week, and I am already so sad to say goodbye. Uh-oh.'"

The Rose Ceremony apparently lasted until 4:30AM, so the guys had about two hours of sleep before being woken up by champion sumo wrestlers banging on gongs.

"The poor guys had just gotten to sleep around 5AM Imagine being woken up by two 600-lb. Japanese men at 7AM after such little sleep. Wakey wakey! Rise and s--- your pants!" Kaitlyn said.

Everyone had fun on the sumo wrestling group date except for Tony Harris, who determined it was too violent for him and he wanted to fall in love in a more peaceful way.

"I understood Tony's point about violence -- and, sure, a nice nature walk is a lovely way to fall in love -- but love is also about having fun and trying new things. Loosen up, Tony!... And [JJ Lane], for the record, you stole my joke about Tony partying his ass off. Don't think I didn't see that!" the Bachelorette wrote.

During the night portion of the sumo wrestling group date, Tony was waiting for her to share how he was feeling. It was then he opted to quit the show because, although his heart was in the right place, he wasn't enjoying the process.

"Seeing Tony standing there that night didn't surprise me. I think it was best he left because I wanted to focus on the guys that wanted to be there, and I was just excited to spend more time with the awesome group of guys I had left," Kaitlyn said.

Clint Arlis was the big surprise on that date for Kaitlyn, but not in a good way. She thought he "held back" throughout the night.

"He didn't talk to me once the entire date. It was really unfortunate, especially after having such a great [one-on-one] date with him. I'm attracted to men who know what they want and go after it. We aren't kids anymore. I don't need to play games. I honestly expected more from Clint," she explained.

"[Shawn Booth] and [Chris Strandburg], on the other hand, had a blast, never complained and pulled me aside to let me know how they were feeling. That's what I'm looking for in a man. At the end of the night, I didn't have much hesitation about giving Shawn that rose. The connection we had that first night was still there, and it was undeniable."

Kaitlyn's date with Ben Zorn made her face her biggest fear: birds. Chris Harrison designed the date for the couple so they could test each other's communication skills and trusting ability.

"I should have known Chris Harrison would play like that!! I can't wait to find out what his biggest fear is and put him through it!! Pay back hurts, buddy," Kaitlyn joked in the blog.

Kaitlyn described Ben Z. as "a big guy with a big heart." She found him comforting and she felt protected by him during the scary haunted-house one-on-one date they had.

"I thought we worked well together as a team! That's such an important thing to have in a relationship... One of the qualities I love most about Ben is he is such an easy person to talk to. He's also not afraid to open up. Ben shared stories with me about his mom, which I truly appreciated. I had no idea he had been through so much," Kaitlyn said.

"He's a sincere and genuine guy who is truly looking for someone to share his life with. It was a no-brainer giving him a rose, and it left me excited about the connection we shared."

After the group date in which a handful of guys had to teach elementary-school children about sex, Ben Higgins swept the Bachelorette off her feet.

"I never told the guys those kids were actors. I was going to, but it was just too good to keep it to myself. If you guys are reading this ... GOTCHA! But the guys were so great... Ben H. just killed it on that date," she explained.

"He was so calm and confident up there, and then he tied in our relationship and how he was feeling...  The moment we shared on the helicopter pad was a game-changer for me. Getting dipped, overlooking LA on a helicopter pad while kissing Ben H., now that does NOT upset me."



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