Bailey Taylor Brown has described what Bachelor in Paradise footage made her feel "horrible" and gave her "the worst feeling ever" when watching it back on ABC.
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RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' FRANCHISE COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER?? (PHOTOS)
Not only did Brian tell Bailey that Jeremy had called Susie on the phone and begged for her to return to Paradise, but he also dropped the bombshell that Jeremy had said he'd propose to Susie on the spot if she ever came back.
"The majority of this season has been hard to watch for me," Bailey noted during the Tuesday, August 12 episode of the "Bachelor Happy Hour" podcast.
The podcast's co-host, Joe Amabile, pointed out how Jeremy had "f-cked up" by calling Susie on the phone but it was still "very early" in the Bachelor in Paradise journey.
After all, Bailey had just gone on a date with Andrew Spencer.
But many days passed when Jeremy had that shocking conversation with Brian in their hotel room -- which Jeremy apparently thought was off-camera -- before they competed in the "Birds of Paradise" performance challenge.
While Bailey was shown telling Alexe Godin that she loved Jeremy and could see herself getting engaged to him, Jeremy was shown telling Brian that he'd pop the question to Susie if given the opportunity.
"So watching it back, obviously the phone call happened during Week 3, and then going into Week 4 -- I think that's, like, Day 9 of Paradise -- hearing those comments, it's never nice because you know how you're feeling in that moment," Bailey said.
"In that moment, I was feeling so happy and locked in. I was feeling like we were really growing as a strong couple."
Bailey went on to admit, "I actually think in the moment, if I had known there were all these doubts [on Jeremy's end], it wouldn't be as big of a deal. We would've just been able to have these conversations and I wouldn't necessarily watch it back and be like, 'Oh, that's the worst feeling ever!'"
Bailey said it was also "hard" to watch because Jeremy vocalized his doubts to the cameras and to their co-stars when she, had she been in his shoes, would've internalized her doubts and kept them quiet.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' FRANCHISE COUPLES NOW"I know I'm on TV, you know what I mean?" Bailey explained to Joe and his co-host Serena Pitt.
"I know I'm going to watch back some of these things, and the last thing I want to do is talk out of my character. I can't say he was talking out of character, but in the moment, maybe he was just having a conversation with his dudes. But that was horrible to watch back."
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Bailey elaborated how that whole situation was difficult to process.
"We were in Week 4 and we were progressing in our relationship. I also think, like, it's hard because at this point, we didn't know we were in a competition. We don't know there's no new people coming in," Bailey explained.
Bailey therefore said she wishes Jeremy just had a conversation with her about his doubts in real time.
Bailey also explained how Jeremy's phone call to Susie wasn't the real issue or what was bothering her.
"I didn't think that was that big of an issue. [The issue] was more of not knowing that the phone call had happened -- and then, even worse, everybody else knowing about the phone call because it could've been so squashed and not something that took over this entire season," Bailey said.
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Bailey gushed about how her conversations with Jeremy were "amazing" and they were "really liking each other" at that point.
"And our date was amazing. It was the best first date I've ever had in my entire life. We got really deep," Bailey noted, before reiterating, "It's really horrible watching it back, to be honest with you."
When looking back on how everything unfolded, Bailey shared how Brian had caught her "off-guard" and "so much" was going through her mind when he was spilling the tea.
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"I'm also unfortunately watching it back with you guys, and that sucks. You're watching something go on, and you're like, 'I had no idea these things were happening!'" Bailey shared.
"It's really hard. I was just, honestly, in La La Land. I was like, 'I'm in Bailey's world and living in the moment!'... It was such a sh-tty feeling knowing I was the last person to find out about this and every other person knew about it."
Bailey said the idea of Jeremy having lingering feelings for Susie made her "very emotionally upset" and her emotions were "out of whack" when speaking to Brian.
"I shut down... We were in Week [5 or 6], and so I was like, 'I'm done! I'm out! This is too much for me,'" she recalled.
"I [thought], 'I don't even care about the $500,000 at this point because emotionally, I am drained and I'm on [empty]. I can't take it anymore.' I just wish some of my friends would've told me... But Jeremy should've been the one to tell me."
However, when Bailey confronted Jeremy about Brian's claims, Jeremy promised Bailey that he really cared for her and was on the show for her. Jeremy also denied ever saying that he'd propose marriage to Susie if she came back to the show.
Bailey ended up forgiving Jeremy and the pair decided to move forward in Paradise together.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' FRANCHISE COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER?? (PHOTOS)
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
