"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul says she sought treatment for an addiction to painkillers last year.

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In an interview to appear in the June issue of Ladies' Home Journal, Abdul discussed how she checked herself into the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif., last fall to wean herself off her medications. She also said the medication was why she may have seemed disoriented while on the air from time to time.

"I could have killed myself," the magazine quoted her as saying about going through withdrawal. "Withdrawal -- it's the worst thing. I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain, it was excruciating. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."

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The dancer and singer said the problem stemmed from her determination to keep working despite chronic debilitating pain caused by a series of accidents. She said she took painkillers so she could keep to her intense schedule.

"I didn't want anyone to count me out," she said.