Ali Fedotowsky: Roberto Martinez and I compromised each other
By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 12/05/2011
Ali Fedotowsky says her relationship with Roberto Martinez came down to a constant compromise that left both parties unsatisfied, ultimately causing them to split after an 18-month engagement.
"A lot of times what I wanted to do and what he wanted to do didn't match up. One of us was always compromising with the other, or we both ended up not doing what we wanted and staying home," the sixth-season The Bachelorette star told People in a teary-eyed interview published in the magazine's December 12 issue.
"He would rather be alone on weekends. He's more introverted. I love being around people and sharing stories and going out to dinner."
Fedotowsky added that when she broke her femur in early June in a kickboxing session and underwent surgery later that month, the incident not only forced the couple -- who got engaged duringThe Bachelorette's sixth-season finale broadcast which aired in August 2010 and moved to San Diego together shortly thereafter -- to postpone the wedding date they had set for earlier this year, but also took a serious toll on their relationship.
"It really affected us," she explained. "I couldn't really be active like I wanted to be. I hit a low."
But the breakup, which the couple announced late last month, reportedly caused Martinez to hit his low point.
[He] "kept believing and hoping that they'd find a way," a source told People. "He's still in shock that it's really over."
However, Fedotowsky and Martinez's pursuit of different interests wasn't the only problem The Bachelorette couple faced in their pre-marriage days. According to People, Martinez's temper often flared because he sought a more traditional and conservative lifestyle than his fiancee was used to.
"Roberto seemed bothered that Ali was career-minded and had a social life. He is very old-fashioned when it comes to a woman's place," the source said.
Fedotowsky said she even tried to take on more of a housewife role to please Martinez.
"I helped him build his business and I'd bring him lunch all the time," Fedotowsky told People. "I was so supportive of him."
However, her attempts reportedly still didn't help to smooth out the couple's frequent arguments.
"In the past six months, [Roberto] kind of lost it. He'd be really good and sweet in public, but their fights could be explosive," the source added.
Fedotowsky explained that she and Martinez never thought marriage could fix their problems, so a wedding wasn't something they were going to rush into without being totally certain they'd be happy together.
"Something inside both of us said we still had more figuring out to do. We take marriage very seriously. It's not something we were going to do and just hope it works out," she told People, adding that media coverage of their relationship only made matters worse.
"It doesn't matter if you are the Bachelorette or a normal girl. When people criticize your relationship, even if it isn't in the best place, you want to believe that it is."
Fedotowsky also revealed she got some space from Martinez in November by moving in with friends for one week. After the short-term separation, she said she wanted to give the relationship another go in the hopes they'd reunite and things would be better again.
"I went back to our apartment, and I cooked this Spanish dish that his mom makes to do something special for him, so we could have a dinner and talk," she said sobbing.
However, the dinner didn't go as well as planned, and the awkward night reportedly confirmed to both Fedotowsky and Martinez that their relationship had run its course. A heartbroken Fedotowsky said she moved her belongings out of their house a few days later, only to run into an equally distraught Martinez.
"We hugged each other. And he broke down, and I broke down," the former The Bachelorette star told People. "It was a very emotional experience."
While Fedotowsky said she is currently staying with friends in San Jose, CA, she admitted she has no idea what's in store for her.
"All of my things are going to be in storage until I figure out what to do," she explained. "I literally don't even know where I want to live, never mind what I want to do."
Despite the tough breakup, Fedotowsky and Martinez intend to remain in contact, while Fedotowsky said she is simply thankful to have him in her life.
[We] "still talk everyday. I found real, true love, and I'm grateful that I had that experience," Fedotowsky told the magazine. "There's no hate. I still love him, and I always will. But what matters is how we feel, and we both knew it wasn't right."