'Jon & Kate' star Jon Gosselin: Failed marriage with Kate not my fault
By Christopher Rocchio, 09/09/2009
Jon Gosselin claims he met with Dr. Phil star Dr. Phil McGraw at the behest of his wife Kate, however he alleges the session was more focused on continuing the success of TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8 reality series than saving the couple's failing marriage.
"In March I went back out to Utah. A week before I went to Utah she wanted me to fly to California and meet with Dr. Phil. I was very hesitant. I was like, 'What the heck is this?'" said Jon during an interview that aired on Tuesday night's broadcast of ABC's Primetime program.
"We talked about the brand and corporate things and making the brand work. I felt it was weird. I was like, 'Why am I here?' It wasn't helping."
In response to Jon's allegations, McGraw issued a statement to ABC News.
"I respect the Gosselins' privacy," read the statement. "I have no comment on their marriage."
Jon reiterated during the Primetime interview that while it was Kate's first attempt at counseling, he had previously sought therapy in an attempt to make their marriage work.
"I went to therapy. I learned about myself. If she's not going to go to therapy, then she's not going to fix herself, then it's not going to work. It takes two people. I have a $22,000 therapy bill. I mean I tried to have marriage counseling. I did it myself and she refused to go," said Jon.
"She made the first move. She knows the truth. I wish to god she would speak from emotion," said Jon, recounting that October evening.
"I know exactly where I was sitting at my dining room table. I was eating dinner and she came walking in. The next thing out of her mouth was, 'I don't even know why I got married.' It was like weird... It was like everything was cool, dinnertime came, the kids went to bed and she came strolling in and says these things."
Jon added he's still unsure why Kate made the decision to end their marriage.
"It's just out of the blue," he said. "I don't know why. Go to therapy and figure it out. Help me out. Give me closure.""
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Despite the turmoil inside the couple's personal lives, Jon said the media was still unaware of the less-than-perfect marriage.
"There was no bad press then. There was nothing then," he said. "There was no tabloids, nothing. Everything was always good."
Jon said he reached his breaking point with Kate early this year.
"I came home from Utah on January 17. I got home, I said, 'I'm going to go out and see my friends.' In 10 years, I've never gone out. If she said, 'I don't want you going out,' I used to say, 'Okay, I'm not going out.' I was very passive. This is the first time I said, 'I want to see my friends. I'm going out,'" said Jon on Primetime.
"That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate. I don't know why I did it, I just felt like I had to take back some part of my life and I did it. It felt really good. I made my own decision. I was beaten down for so long that I couldn't even make my own decision. When I did, I was like, 'Holy cow. What's she going to do? Divorce me?' Obviously."
Jon added he feels he may have been "too passive" in the relationship.
"Maybe I didn't stand my ground 10 years ago. Maybe I didn't stick up for my kids. But it's gone. I can't get that back," he said. "Our relationship will never be fixed."
Even before rumors about their rocky marriage began to fly in March, Jon claims the "loving family and couple" persona he put out there was already a thing of the past.
"When it got so bad I couldn't take it anymore, I mean I was sleeping in the apartment above my garage. I'm paying a mortgage on a house that I don't even sleep in anymore," he said.
Due to the current circumstances surrounding their relationship, Jon said his feelings for Kate are very cut and dry.
"I will always love Kate as the mother of my kids. But to tell you right now, at this point with what's going on, I do not love Kate," he said, adding that's the reason why the two currently conduct separate interviews for Jon & Kate Plus 8.
"I can't sit on the sofa with that woman. I can't sit [next to] someone right now that I despise. I despise [her] because she's not speaking from the heart. Please, the stuff you tell me in private should be the stuff you tell me on TV."
In addition, Jon said he became a different person for Kate because of the way he felt about her.
"I changed for her because I loved her. But don't forget who you are. That's what happened to me," he said before explaining why he finally took a stand.
"I don't trust her anymore. I was abused. I was verbally abused. I was beaten down. She separated me from my family -- my mom and my brothers. They say to me, 'It's so good to have the real Jon back. It's so good to have the warm, caring, kind, loving person that we knew before you got married.' She used to hold the kids over my head and say, 'Don't spend time with your mom. Spend time with your kids.' Why can't I spend time with my mom and my kids together? I'm not going back to that lifestyle."
During the interview, ABC News' Chris Cuomo suggested Jon should "be careful" about how he talked about Kate given she is "the mother of your kids."
"Maybe it's unfair, but the mother of your child is not supposed to be criticized," said Cuomo.
"Neither is the father," answered Jon -- presumably a reference to a recent interview in which Kate jokingly attributed his behavior to alien abduction, sometimes it feels like she's getting divorced from a 15-year-old, and questioned his recent decision making.
With all of the public bickering between Jon and Kate, he said he's unsure if he's letting his kids down but never claimed to be "America's favorite dad."
"I don't want to be America's anything. I just want to be me," he said. "Just like it changed from 'America's favorite dad' to 'dirtbag,' tomorrow it could be America's favorite dad again. It could be after this interview. I don't know. Whatever they want to write let them write it if they're going to write it anyway. I've learned that lesson."
Despite conducting numerous interviews with various magazines, online and papazarri outlets over the last several months, Jon noted his Primetime appearance represented his first solo television interview in four years.
"I think I can get a lot of my chest. She doesn't speak from the heart. I speak from the heart, and I think I can get a lot of truth out there instead of speculation," said Jon in explaining his decision to conduct the interview.
"I would say let's finish what we've got to finish and move on with our lives. Stop feeding into the frenzy."
Jon said he's not a big crier, but added the last few months have taken an emotional toll on him.
"I've cried more now in the last eight months then my whole entire life," he said. "You get frustrated and pent up. It's so frustrating. I can't defend the girl I love because I have no voice in the media. Now I do. I just want to let the world know that I'm a real person with feelings. Okay, I made mistakes. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go out to the clubs. But we all learn from mistakes, except mine are public."
"I feel like I love her more than I did Kate. I don't know, it's like when [I] look at her my heart pounds, I get sweaty," said Jon, reiterating previous comments that Glassman is the "polar opposite" of Kate.
"I get encouragement from her, I get respect from her -- two things that a man needs. This is someone, like a soul mate. People joke about that, but I'm not joking about that."
While Jon acknowledged the timeframe of Kate's divorce filing and when he was first spotted with Glassman could lead people to believe he left his wife for the younger woman, he said that's simply not the case.
"I didn't leave Kate for Hailey. People think I left Kate for Hailey... because of the timeframe and what was written in the tabloids," he said. "You can't control who you love. I strongly believe that. You cannot control that. That's two people drawn together."
In addition, Jon refuted the suggestion that Glassman is simply a rebound relationship.
"Hailey and I have talked about that. But I have so much to lose in this situation. I could lose custody, I could lose my kids," he said. "But I feel like with this person, that I'm not going to lose. It's just going to get better."
Jon also said that it's "unfair" how Glassman has been labeled as a party girl he's dating as part of a midlife crisis and reiterated that the two mainly spend their time together out of the public's eye.
"She doesn't party. I know Hailey. We haven't partied. We don't go anywhere," he said. "We enjoy watching movies together, sitting on the sofa. Just because someone writes that she did marijuana, that doesn't make her a bad person. That makes her human. And for someone to write that it breaks my heart."
"Doesn't her brother get paid? Everyone gets paid," said Jon, who has previously alleged Hummel's brother lied for money. "But I can't be friends with her anymore because I don't want her to get paparrazied. I will sacrifice my friendship with her so she can have a life."
Jon also denied that he cheated on Glassman with former Star magazine reporter Kate Major -- who had claimed that she was dating Jon and subsequently resigned from the magazine, citing the relationship as a conflict of interest.
"No romantic fling. Nothing. She tells stories," said Jon on Primetime.
Jon isn't the only one who has refuted rumors about extramarital affairs, as Kate has also denied reports that she's romantically involved with Gosselin family bodyguard Steven Neild.
"I don't know. I speculate, but I don't know. I've questioned it and asked... That's who she spends time with," said Jon. "When they were traveling together I felt jealous. Here I'm Mr. Mom, and there's some other guy traveling with my wife. Whether it's protection or not, it's in the back of my mind."
While Jon previously denied that he wants to stop filming Jon & Kate Plus 8, he told Primetime that he would have no problem pulling the plug if his kids wanted it to end.
"I would stop it. I am not going to make them film. They're not being forced to film," he said.
"I want my kids to be safe, happy and healthy. I want my kids to be educated and have the best opportunities that they can have. If we have to provide it through finances, let it be. But I have the opportunity now to do so."
In addition, Jon refuted allegations that he's spending money recklessly on partying.
"I'm banking my money," he told Primetime. "In the beginning, I think I turned to the bottle -- I'm going to be honest -- I think I turned to the bottle a little more. But I watched it because my father was an alcoholic, and his father was an alcoholic, and my mom's father was. I was told from an early age, 'You've got to watch it, because it's hereditary.' I've always watched that fine line. Have I gotten drunk before? Sure."
If the money-making opportunity provided by Jon & Kate Plus 8 does eventually run dry, Jon has several other financial endeavors he could undertake.
While he was rumored to be in talks to star in a new tentatively-titled Divorced Dad's Club reality series along with Michael Lohan and Kevin Federline, the show's Endemol production company denied it was in talks with him due to his contract with TLC.
However according to Jon, he might still participate in the show.
"There's contracts and all this stuff. That's why I have a legal team, that's why I have management. They'll have to work it out," he said. "I might not be able to do it."
Even if he does eventually appear on the show, Jon said he has confidence it won't have an impact on how his children view him.
"They know I have a good heart, so I'll have to make the analysis if I'm going to do Divorced Dads Club," he said. "But I haven't decided yet. I have time. I can think about things."