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Don't try this at home -- or elsewhere!

UPI News Service, 09/18/2011 

Two tricky questions and one not so easy question.

In Europe, don't try stalking, stalking, stalking or serenading your girlfriend with a Bob Dylan tune.

That would be ex-girlfriend.

Police in Gothenburg, Sweden, said they arrested a 50-year old man for singing a Bob Dylan song for his ex-girlfriend at 11 p.m. in an arrangement that included five other men serving as backup vocalists, The Local reported.

So, what's wrong with this picture?

Well, in the first place, Doofus, there was that restraining order that was in place before you and the band of tenors went over to the ex-girlfriend's apartment. It may not have specifically mentioned "no serenading," but it seems that, reading between the lines, that might have been inherently included in the order that said stay away or you will be arrested. Dummy.

That stalking story? A woman in Roterdam, Netherlands, was arrested for frequently calling a man with whom she was apparently infatuated.

So, what' wrong with this picture?

Allegedly, the British Broadcasting Corp. reported, the woman called him or sent him text messages 65,000 times in the past year.

Potential line for her lawyer to use: "Judge, which phone call was the straw that broke the camel's back in this case? The first 64,999 phone calls apparently got no complaint. So, really, my client just called him once too many times. Your honor, one phone call is not stalking."

Anyway, in Denver, don't try taking your dead friend out clubbing and then drinking the night away on his dime.

Allegedly, two friends of Jeffrey Jarret -- that would be Robert Jeffrey Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, 25 -- loaded Jarret into a car, having found him at his home unresponsive, The Denver Post reported.

The men then painted the town. First they hit up two bars and took Jarret's bank card to get money out of an ATM.

After taking Jarrett -- still dead -- back to his home, they went out again, withdrawing $400 more from Jarrett's bank account and topping off the evening with a visit to a strip club.

What's wrong with this picture?

Right. This was the easy question. Basically, everything is wrong with that picture. Good answer.

Anyone get that wrong?

OK, for an extra two points, a bonus question.

First of all, don't try robbing a store in San Diego while wearing a Gumby costume.

KGTV-San Diego reported Jacob Kiss confessed to the alleged crime, because, he said, he was really reaching into his pocket -- inside the lime-green Gumby costume -- to get his wallet to pay for a pack of cigarettes.

Kiss said he never announced, "This is a robbery," even though the incident was reported as one. "Those [words] never came out of my mouth," he said.

OK, Gumby, so why'd you run? And where were you on the night of the 15th, when a bendable green man was seen robbing a bank on the corner of Melrose and Wabash?

OK, besides embellishing, what's wrong with that picture?

Right! Smoking is bad for your health.

Give yourself two points.

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Copyright 2011 United Press International, Inc. (UPI). Any repr


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