The Bachelorette alum Kaitlyn Bristowe believes her ex-fiance Shawn Booth is still "holding onto anger" from their failed relationship, and she admits to still being a bit angry as well.
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Following more than three years of dating, Kaitlyn and Shawn announced their split in November 2018.
Nearly two years later, Kaitlyn is apparently worried to bump into Shawn considering they both live in Nashville, TN, and aren't on the best of terms.
"I play this scenario in my head more than I should because first of all, I think -- and again I'm not trying to speak for him and I don't know -- but I truly think he just will never understand me or respect certain decisions, and I think he's just going to hold onto anger with me," Kaitlyn, 35, said on the Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad podcast on Wednesday.
"That's how I feel, so I would be nervous because I would probably play nice and even though he hurt me so terribly and things I've never even talked about. It's just, I hold anger too, but I know if I saw him I wouldn't be able to be like, 'Meh,' that's just not me."
Shawn's beloved dog Tucker died on April 16, but the personal trainer has since welcomed a new puppy named Walter into his life.
Kaitlyn said she hopes Shawn is with Walter if the pair ever bump into each other.
"That would be a good distraction, and I just want to be like, 'Hey, this is obviously weird. I don't know how to even act right now, this is super weird,' but I'm so sorry about Tucker and I'm so glad you have a new pup," Kaitlyn said.
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But crossing paths would seemingly be very awkward for Kaitlyn because she claimed to have reached out to Shawn in April about Tucker's death and never heard a word back from him.
"Obviously, I was just devastated for him because that was just like his absolute best friend and I thought for sure he would've reached out to me to say either, 'Hey we're putting him down,' or 'Hey I didn't want you to have to find this out through Instagram' or something, but I can't hold that against him," Kaitlyn explained.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW"Because everybody grieves so differently and I don't think I would want to talk to anybody in the world if I lost one of my dogs because I would just be so, like, not okay. But I did reach out to him and said like, 'I am so sorry, if you need to talk. I'm devastated. I can't imagine how you feel.' And nothing. He didn't write me back."
Kaitlyn suggested Shawn's silence spoke volumes considering he allegedly wrote her cleaning lady back after Tucker died.
"He wrote my cleaning lady back saying, 'Thank you, he loved spending time with you,' and I'm like, 'Ah! Cleaning lady? Come on now!'" Kaitlyn complained.
But Kaitlyn moved on a couple months after her split from Shawn by going on a date with New York native Jason Tartick, who competed on Season 14 of The Bachelorette starring Becca Kufrin in 2018.
Kaitlyn and Jason went on a date in January 2019 and quickly fell in love.
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Jason, who was living in Seattle at the time, then moved to Nashville to live with Kaitlyn and begin a life together in May 2019, and they now take care of two dogs together, Ramen and Pinot.
"I didn't realize how miserable I really was or how out of touch I was with myself and my confidence until -- and I'm not trying to, obviously, blame Shawn, but I think that was a big part of [me feeling] a lot of shame from the show," Kaitlyn admitted.
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Shawn had a hard time coming to grips with the fact Kaitlyn had slept with someone else when they were supposedly in love with each other, and he reportedly never really got over it.
"I felt a lot of insecurities. I didn't feel safe in the relationship. I was constantly working on myself and constantly going to therapy to try to not feel those things, but I'm obviously coming home to them all the time."
She added on the podcast, "It's three-and-a-half years of feeling shame and, like, I don't deserve love from him. And I knew that wasn't right, [but] that's constantly what I was feeling for three-and-a-half years. And I do think I was heading down that road of losing myself and relying on someone else for happiness."
Kaitlyn and Jason have been talking about a possible engagement for months now, with Kaitlyn even sharing in June on Instagram she and Jason had already picked out an engagement ring together.
While Shawn continues his career as a personal trainer, Kaitlyn will compete on this fall's edition of Dancing with the Stars, Season 29.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
