"The bottom dropped out. My heart crumbled when she told me her boss demanded her back at work. I didn't actually think she would leave me," wrote Pavelka in his weekly blog for People.
"When she told me she was leaving, my heart stopped. I wish I could've had Mike Tyson punch me square in the jaw, because it would have felt so much better than what I feeling as I watched AliCat drive away that night."
Fedotowsky was one of four remaining bachelorettes vying for Pavelka's heart when she decided to leave the show to avoid being fired from her advertising job at Facebook -- a decision The Bachelor star said was made after a conversation that lasted far longer than what viewers saw on Monday night's The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love broadcast.
"We talked about it for three hours that night while the poor women at the Rose Ceremony just waited," wrote Pavelka in his blog, adding that Fedotowsky ultimately chose to make the decision because she wouldn't have been able to travel to Saint Lucia -- the site of the season's final dates and subsequent ultimate Rose Ceremony.
"She actually didn't have to be back at work for four or five more days but we were leaving the country the next morning, so she had to make a decision."
In addition, Pavelka reiterated what viewers saw during the broadcast -- that Fedotowsky wanted him to make her decision for her.
"I felt like she wanted me to make the choice for her, but I couldn't. How could I live with myself if I told her, 'No! You are not leaving me now!' and then realize a week or two later that she was not 'the one,'" he wrote.
"I couldn't make the decision for her."
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