From Connecticut to Arizona, don't try raising money for breast cancer research while actually naming the body parts in questions.
Come to think of it, slang isn't such a great idea, either. There are all those boobs who believe such an effort is inappropriate somehow.
In Manchester, Conn., this week, a "Paint the Ta-Tas" awareness project was removed from the town hall, despite General Manager Scott Shanley saying he was in favor of the program.
He was in favor of the program -- but just not in public places, The Hartford, Conn., Courant reported he asserted.
Similarly, a high school in Gilbert, Ariz., banned cheerleaders from wearing T-shirts that said, "Feel for lumps, save your bumps," an obvious reference to -- that's right: Breast cancer.
Principal J. Charles Santa Cruz said the word "bumps," crossed the line between good and poor taste, which is likely not a very good legal argument, but in high school, sure, every bump is a boob and every boob is a breast and even the swimmers and the chicken farmers know the difference. So it goes.
The article said cheer leader booster club President Gayleen Skowronek is out $470 for the T-shirts.
Seems clearer now why all the king's men couldn't put Bleepty Dumpty together again.
In Roswell, N.M., don't advertise your illicit drug shopping list on the Internet, like Anamicka Dave, 29, who was accused of posting a CraigsList notice saying she was looking to score some wacky weed, which she cleverly phrased to say she was looking for some "Mary Jane," KOB-TV, Albuquerque, reported.
Police responded to the ad, which must have felt like shooting fish in a barrel.
Speaking of fish in a barrel, police in Nebo, N.C., said a woman who identified herself in a text message as "Amy" accidentally dialed the wrong number and sent a sheriff's deputy a message about a drug deal.
She said she was selling "bones," which is a slang term for the anti-anxiety drug Xanax, The McDowell News, Marion, N.C., reported.
The modern communications-savvy police later arrested Amy Leigh Brown, 35, for allegedly attempting to sell and deliver a Schedule IV controlled substance.