It should be said the reason for not trying this at home is that the people in these stories might be well trained professionals.
In Baraboo, Wis., this week a man robbed a Wells Fargo Bank while wielding a handgun. Bank employees, however, noticed a tattoo on the left side of the man's neck that read "Die Pig Die."
It turns out, the Wisconsin State Journal reported, local police were acquainted with a man named Richard Hindes who has a tattoo on the left side of his neck that reads, "Die Pig Die."
On the off chance that there are not too many "Die Pig Die" tattoos on the left side of men's necks, the police decided to look for Hindes.
In Doncaster, England, a man who might not have been a professional doctor or marksman took aim at a wart on his middle finger with a shotgun he said he found and blasted his finger to smithereens.
Remembering that example of German grammar, "I threw from the train my wife a kiss," try this out for size: "I shot off my finger a wart with a gun."
Turns out both the wart and the finger came up missing, the Star reported.
Sean Murphy was charged in the incident for illegal possession of a firearm and given a suspended 16-week jail sentence and ordered to pay $160 in court costs.
Was he mad? Hard to say. He did not from the railing give the judge the finger.
In Barnstable, Mass., police reported this week they arrested three men who robbed a Dunkin' Donuts outlet -- two of them wielding knives and one a hatchet.
They left with what they believed was a paper bag full of money but turned out to be a bag full of donuts, the Cape Cod Times reported.
There are some holes in this story, by the way.